I couldn’t make this up if I tried

I've been knee-deep in the gossip rags, trying to spread the word about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' visit to Italy this weekend, crafting email subject lines like "Spotted: TomKat does the Dolomites."  I work with Hotel Rosa Alpina in the Italian Alps, who hosted them for lunch at their mountain chalet.  You can read all the details (which I provided) on HotelChatter.com, but I didn't release any photos.  So I was amazed to find so many photos all over the internet, where did they come from?!  I was even more astonished to pick up US Weekly today and find a two-page spread on it!  How do you do it, Us Weekly?!  They were just there on Saturday!  I guess Italy did invent paparazzi, but I'm impressed and almost feel kind of bad for the Cruises (keyword: almost).

On a completely different note, my dear friend Eleanor in Baltimore has been supplying me with a different kind of gossip: "Crime Scene" notes from the local police blotter in the paper.  This is all absolutely true, and you'd believe it without question if you knew much about Baltimore:

Her original email included:

Brentwood Avenue, 6700 block, October 3, 8:45pm
A man
was arrested after he robbed a convenience store of $150.  He
approached an employee and said, "You told Jim I'm in here every night
and that all I do is walk around and steal."  He ordered her to give up
the money in the register.  She yelled, "Get it yourself" and went to
the back room, locking the door behind herself.  The suspect was found a
short time later, inside a local bar with his girlfriend.

Pulaski Highway, 3000 block, October 8, 9am
80-year-old woman answered her door and found two female suspects
standing there, dressed in pink pajamas.  They told her they were
conducting pest inspections in the area and needed to search the house
for rats
.  The woman let them in.  They stayed briefly, then left.  The
woman soon noticed that her house keys were missing

Larceny from Auto:
S. Regester Street, 400 block, October 7, 7:40pm
Someone broke the window of a car and took 40 cents in change.

Then there was a lapse in her emails, as the (free) paper kept getting stolen from her doorstep.

Today's sampling:

S. Curley Street, 100 block, December 2, 11 a.m.  Someone broke the
window of a car and took a Neil Diamond CD and a bingo marker.

S. Front Street, unit block, November 26, 2:15 a.m
.  Someone broke the window of a car and stole clothing and a box of sex toys, value unknown.

She wonders if it was the same person, as the sex toys might necessitate a little Neil Diamond.

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One response to “I couldn’t make this up if I tried

  1. I can't imagine someone breaking into a car to steal 40 cents.. I can't BELIEVE that whoever's car it was actually NOTICED the 40 cents missing. People amuse me.

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